ENDING A RELATIONSHIP

PRACTICAL MATTERS TO SORT OUT...

If a couple decide they want to end a relationship, or one of the partners decide they want to separate, a decision will usually have to be made about who leaves the home, and what they need to take with them. Below is a quick guide to the matters that need to be sorted out. This is by no means comprehensive and the services of a solicitor may well be needed to finally resolve all the details of separation. In addition, the type of relationship (married, gay, co-habitation) will have a bearing on the final outcome.

HOUSING

A person who is going through a relationship breakdown, may have to consider whether they want to leave or stay in the home. This may depend on other housing options being available and their financial resources. They could decide to stay in the home for the immediate future, but look for alternative accommodation for the long term, or leave the home for the time being but want to return later. It may be possible to negotiate over the use of the home, either by agreement, or by going to court. You should check your legal position and housing status before making any decision. You should consider all the implications before making a decision:

Short term options:

• a friend's or relatives home
• a refuge or hostel (see CAB/Social Services)
• Making an application to the Local Authority as a homeless person

Long term options:

• Buying another home
• Applying to a housing association
• Finding privately rented accommodation
• Apply to go on the Local Authority waiting list

From 1 October 1997, under the Family Law Act 1996, a partner may be able to obtain orders which establish, acquire and/or protect rights; for example to stay in the home, exclude the other partner, or state that one partner can only use part of the home. These are called occupation orders.

CHILDREN

If a person is planning to leave home and there are children, their care needs to be of primary concern. Who is going to look after them, are they going to stay with relatives, or someone else? If this is impossible to arrange because of conflict between the partners, the Social Services Department may be able to help. The age of the children may effect the decision, and it is important they be involved where possible. Older children may in fact decide for themselves.

VIOLENCE

If a person is in a violent relationship, they can get specific advice about actions they can take from the Bureau, the Domestic Violence Unit of the local police or Social Services. They may also have protection by certain rights to stay in the home.

DECIDING TO LEAVE HOME

As well as considering where they are going, if any children are moving as well, and the urgency of a move, the person moving will need to ensure certain items are taken. The following is not an exhaustive list, but a general guide, bearing in mind how much can be physically taken, and where they are going to stay, and for how long they may be away.

• Clothing for themselves, and any children
• Cash, bank books, cheque books, credit cards, post office and building society pass books.
• Birth certificates (own and any children who are moving)
• Marriage certificate
• Medical cards, any hospital appointment cards.
• Children's school books
• List of utilities meter readings (to notify gas, water electric etc.)
• copy of mortgage details
• Will
• Essential children's toys
• List of Hire Purchase and creditor account numbers and addresses.

If large or valuable items are to be taken, such as the following, proof of individual ownership may well be required.

• Personal jewelry
• Car
• Television
• Computer

WHO TO INFORM ABOUT SEPARATION

Once a couple has separated, they may need to inform the following:

• The landlord or rent office
• The Local Authority
• Housing benefit office
• Benefit agency
• Employer
• Mortgage lender, accompanied by a proposal for paying the mortgage
• The Water, Gas, Electric companies. Readings should be taken and future responsibilities for payment relocated. This will ensure services are not cut off due to unpaid bills.
• The tax office, if a couple are married or have children.
• Current and future schools, if there are children and they are moving. It may also be helpful to notify the school if the children are not moving.
• Bank and any other financial institutions (building societies etc.) If they are a couple and have a joint account, they can continue to use it and arrange for separate statements and correspondence to be sent to both of them. However, as one of the account holders could withdraw some of all of the funds in the account without the others permission, it may be advisable to freeze a joint account to prevent one of the account holders withdrawing some of all of the money.
• Hire Purchase and credit card companies, but this needs to be accompanied by a proposal on how a debt is to be repaid.
• Insurance companies, particularly in the case of joint policies
• Telephone companies
• The post office, if one person needs their mail redirected
• Doctor, dentist, hospital if receiving treatment, and child health clinics.

MONEY

If one person wishes to separate and is financially dependant on the other, they need to decide what they and any children are going to live on in the short and long term.

• Which benefits, if any, can be claimed and the urgency
• Whether or not they can get maintenance from the former partner
• Housing costs, paying the mortgage, rent, council tax etc.
• Their tax position, allowances etc
• Joint bank accounts, who has access to the money and how much

BENEFITS AND HOUSING COSTS

On separation, a person who remains in the home, or has left, may be able to get Housing Benefit or Income Support or Income-based Job Seekers Allowance for mortgage interest; even if he/she was not originally liable for these payments. Claim forms can be obtained from the Benefits Agency, Post Office, the Bureau etc.

PROPERTY AND GIFTS

It will be necessary at some stage to sort out the division of possessions, i.e. A car or TV. If there are disputes over property or gifts, there are general principles that apply, to determine who has a right to them. (i.e. a gift to one specific person...) Mediation or the services of a solicitor may be required.

DEBTS

A person may have a liability for a debt with their partner, which continues even after separation (i.e. joint mortgages, credit agreements). Other debts may be limited, i.e. council tax.

WILLS

If a person has not yet made a will, they should consider doing so. Separation changes what will happen if a partner dies without a will.